maybe she's only supposed to love in small doses. she tells herself, quiet, quiet
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Anonymous said: What's the most illegal thing you ever did?
At Stanford there was this Professor who was a total bitch and she taught British Literature, which was cool. Except she taught only her opinions of the books and it didn’t help me as a writer. I went to school to learn new things to improve my craft, not have someone else’s opinions carved onto my forehead.
So anyway, for our final project, she asked us to write a ten page paper on why the color symbolism in Othello was so significant. I did some research and it turned out that she did her entire graduate thesis on this very subject. I was mad. This wasn’t teaching, this was boosting her ego. SO I wrote a ten page essay on why color symbolism in Othello wasn’t significant, satirizing it to the point of no return, saying that her opinion was an opinion and shouldn’t be taken seriously.
SHe failed me, needless to say. So in retaliation, I responded by baking a batch of brownies laced with weed and laxatives and delivered them myself to the professor hours before her big graduation speech. I told her that it was a peace offering, my way of apologizing and asking if I could do anything to fix my grade.
She refused to fix my grade.
In the end, she shit herself on stage.
I didn’t regret it.
yes I am a believer. oh you meant god? my bad I thought u were talkin about aliens sir.
This time last year I was unemployed, broke, and suicidal.
Today, I just got the keys to my first house.
Give it time.
Needed this today
when you hear people preach that it gets better, they aren’t joking. if it’s not better yet, it will be.
I’m really bad about taking care of myself. Sometimes I’m like “why am I so hungry?” and then I realize I haven’t had a real meal in like 2 days. So, this is a friendly reminder to eat some food, drink some water, get some sleep, take your medicine if you need any, and make sure you smile like at least 5 times a day.
If you need Plan B, here’s a printable $10 off coupon.
It doesn’t expire either! It’s a continual offer
reblogging this again because this shit is 50$
if it’s late enough and you’re lonely enough, the carly rae jepsen lyric “before you came into my life i missed you so bad” starts seeming increasingly deep and emotionally complex
3:02 AM and this fucking lyric looks like fucking nietzsche
stare into the abyss and the abyss will call you maybe